BAD BOY? GOOD BOY?
In the inner journey of most men the integration of their badboy-projections is primordial to create change.
Most men start their life unconsciously comparing and competing with their father.
If we broaden our view, we see many ways to compete, many stiles, some of them sneaky, hidden, other more obvious. Some men are not aware they are in this energy until their sons do it with them.
Quite a lot of men are in the illusion that their fathers are not aware or don’t care, which is mostly not true.
A competing man invests in becoming a better man than his father, than men he meets – more empathy, better partner, better father, more attention, more care, stronger, less fear, smarter, better mission, more easygoing, more fun, … –
To compare is a main activity of our survival system (ego). It’s a mental process with emotions involved. The undercurrent is mostly unconscious fear “not to be good enough”. In this energy there is no respect, not towards ourselves, not towards the others. In the process of becoming more respectful a man notices he compares less.
The consequences of comparing are split energy, feelings of rejection, distance, … at the same time internally – my good boy and my bad boy don’t like each other – and out there – distance in the relationship with the father and with some men -.
It’s possible to heal this internal division, to warm up the relationship with myself, and in consequence with other men. We can develop a sense of brotherhood, based on freedom, respect and inclusion.
That’s the only efficient remedy against the fear “not to be good enough”.